


Death of me

by Houseofmalfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Black Family-centric (Harry Potter), Character Death, Cousin Incest, F/M, Flashbacks, Second War with Voldemort, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22768936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houseofmalfoy/pseuds/Houseofmalfoy
Summary: "You're going to be the death of me, Narcissa Black."Narcissa finds out that Sirius has died, and that she was involved in his death.
Relationships: Rodolphus Lestrange & Narcissa Black Malfoy, Sirius Black/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	Death of me

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the bad things happen bingo, for the prompt "major character death".

Once upon a time, Narcissa had loved her sister as much as she had loved herself. Now Bellatrix came skipping giddily into the room, droplets of blood on her cheekbone and hand, and it filled Narcissa with dread. 

When her sister was in a good mood like this it rarely meant something pleasant.

oOo

_ “One of these days, they’re bound to kill each other over this.” _

_ Sirius muttered his statement as if it were discussing the weather before he pulled her in for what could’ve been the 100th time that afternoon and kissed her. The barely visible hair on his chin that he was determined to grow out into a proper stubble tickled her skin.  _

_ They were hidden away in Black Hall while both their parents were arguing with one another downstairs in the main drawing room. Hidden away in a guest bedroom so the elves didn’t know where to look for them. _

_ They pretended not to be hurt by the bits and pieces they could pick up from the arguments downstairs while they stole innocent and less innocent kisses from each other in between laughter that had stopped feeling as forced after the two years since they’d started this.  _

_ “I suppose we just have to hope it’s Walburga who dies, then,” was Narcissa’s response, just as casual even though they both understood all too well there was nothing normal about this, nothing careless. That was something that would hurt to admit out loud, though, so neither of them did.  _

_ Sirius chuckled and grinned when she kissed him again, pulling away faster this time. “I don’t know, your mother can be a right twat too.” _

_ If she flinched a little at the reminder of how bad Druella could be, he was good enough at playing the gentleman to pretend not to notice. Narcissa shifted so she was nearly sitting in his lap, facing him with a confident smirk.  _

_ “As long as they don’t kill you, it hardly matters does it?” She breathed out, not giving him time to respond before she kissed him again.  _

oOo

“Cissy! Oh, Cissy, you’ll never guess who was there!”

Bella’s voice rang through the drawing room, shrill and loud in the room that contained only her sister. She was too excited for Narcissa to remain feeling comfortable, and a feeling of comfort was so rare these days already. 

Once upon a time she had never considered being afraid of her sister; tonight her heart sank in her chest when she saw her Bella’s overjoyed expression. It was an expression that never came with good news, not anymore.

“Who was it, darling?” Narcissa responded regardless of her personal feelings towards her sister. She loved her still, in a way. She supposed she always would. It was what they were sisters for.

oOo

_ “You’re going to be the death of me, Narcissa Black.” _

_ That name, her name that she had settled on after such careful consideration, sounded even better rolling off his tongue than it did from anyone else’s. _

_ Narcissa smiled up at him, a challenge in her eyes as she took his wrists in her hands and moved him until his back touched the wall of the hallway they were standing in.  _

_ They were all alone, there was no chance she would have dreamt of doing this had they not been. It was a risk they were both taking, meeting up like this. A decision that could all too easily blow up in their faces after what he had done, which wasn’t something Narcissa longed to dwell over for too long.  _

_ Sirius made the risk seem worth it.  _

_ That was to say, his lips did.  _

_ Narcissa leaned in, halting just before her lips touched his. “If you must die, is at my hands such a horrid way to go?” _

_ She didn’t give him a chance to answer her, kissing him gently at first until he pulled away just enough to chuckle, looking at her with those grey eyes of him that haunted her dreams lately.  _

_ “Not at all, Cissa. But how will you deal with that blood on your hands?” He challenged her, capturing her lips again in a kiss that felt much more eager.  _

_ Narcissa pressed herself against him, still holding his wrists in her hands as she pushed him further against the wall. His lips parted so quickly, the stubble on his chin that he was so proud of tickling her skin as she kissed him with open mouth, her tongue finding his with a familiarity that she wasn’t supposed to feel anymore.  _

_ She never wanted to let go of that feeling.  _

_ When they parted again she was slightly out of breath, resting her forehead against Sirius’ with a chuckle that sounded more carefree than she should be feeling.  _

_ “To have killed you like this? I don’t think I’d mind at all.” _

oOo

“The blood-traitor!”

There was no need to ask who Bellatrix meant. 

Andromeda was a blood-traitor, her daughter was one too, but that venomous thrill in Bella’s voice had only ever been used when she was yelling at one traitor in specific.  _ Sirius _ . 

What in Salazar’s name had Sirius been doing there?

Narcissa had given Kreacher such specific instructions, had she not? Keep Sirius out of the way, make Potter believe he is at the ministry, keep Sirius out of the way. Keep Sirius out of the way. 

When had Sirius ever listened?

Had she really expected him to sit back and wait while Potter, his godson of all people, risked his life?

Had she really forgotten so much about him, or had she just been naive?

“Sirius?” Narcissa asked even though she did not need to. Her sister’s eyes glistened with an excitement that nauseated her. 

_ Don’t let it be true.  _

“He’s dead, Cissy! The filthy little blood-traitor is dead at last!”

If Narcissa had continued to hear what Bella was saying she would have caught a description of the duel, a detailed retelling of Sirius’ death. She would have heard her sister proclaim how glad Aunt Walburga would have been to hear of this. 

As it were, Narcissa’s eyes filled themselves with tears just as she stopped understanding Bella’s voice even though it had become unbearably loud. 

oOo

_ “One of these days,” Narcissa paused to catch her breath, panting loudly as she ran after Sirius, “one of these days she’ll kill you.” _

_ They were running across the gardens of Black Hall, Narcissa’s own ancestral home. Sirius and Regulus had come for a visit alongside their parents, a small gathering to celebrate Bella’s betrothal to Rodolphus Lestrange before the official engagement party tonight.  _

_ Sirius had managed to sneak a niffler into Bella’s bedroom. Narcissa didn’t think she wanted to know how or why he had gotten hold of the little creature, but what a chaos it had caused.  _

_ Sirius stopped running at last, turning to her as he grinned widely. “I’d like to see her try, Cissa.” _

_ She loved that arrogant confidence of his. Loved it with all she had.  _

_ “She will. One of these days. She will kill you and I won’t be there to stop her. Those were family heirlooms, Sirius!” _

_ He just laughed.  _

_ “You won’t stop her? You wound me, love. But you’ll weep at my funeral, hm?” _

_ Sirius had stopped laughing long enough to pull her closer at the waist and grin down at her, out of breath and sweating slightly. She nodded, laughing too. “I’ll wear my best robes. Be a proper widow.” _

oOo

Narcissa covered her mouth with her hand as if to muffle her sobs, shaking her head ever so slightly. 

It was too much.

She had already been told by Rodolphus that Lucius had been captured, and she had thought she was alright. Had assumed she would be okay. Her husband was in Azkaban, and she feared for him with all she had, but after failing that mission she had to admit that if he was safe anywhere, it would not be the manor. 

With Draco safe at Hogwarts, she could only hope he would remain okay too. What more could she need?

Rodolphus hadn’t mentioned Sirius to her. 

Had he not seen? Had he not realised what Sirius meant to her? No, he’d known, Narcissa remembered telling him. He’d known. He must not have realised Sirius had been killed. 

Killed. 

She could hardly make sense of her own thoughts. 

Killed. 

Sirius had been killed by Bellatrix. Killed because he had gone after Potter. Killed because she had pulled the strings to trick Potter into going to the ministry. 

It was her fault. 

To Bella’s credit, there was a flicker of understanding behind her dark eyes. For just a few seconds the excitement toned down, the shimmer in her eyes turned to something that Narcissa could nearly describe as sympathy. 

Before she had a chance to naively hope to see that bit of humanity in her sister, the sympathy was gone. 

“He’s dead, Cissy! We won’t ever have to worry about him again!”

Narcissa didn’t know when Bella left the room, but after a while she looked up again with tears clouding her vision and her sister was no longer there. 

A moment or an hour later, Narcissa had no idea, Rodolphus sat down next to her on the sofa and a familiar pull let her lean into his chest, shutting her eyes tightly close as if that was going to do anything to stop the grief from overwhelming her. 

oOo

_ “Come with me.” _ _   
_ _ “Are you mad?” _

_ Sirius shook his head, as frustrated as he seemed to be so often lately.  _

_ He had to be mad.  _

_ Narcissa was no fool, she knew very well that Sirius had been toying with the idea of leaving the family behind for quite some time, but she had never imagined he would really go through with it. _

_ Hadn’t he seen what a pain Andy’s actions had caused them? _

_ “I’m not. They are. I’m leaving, come with me.” _

_ He put it so simply that Narcissa had to laugh, haughtily so. He was mad indeed, then. How could he expect her to follow him like that?  _

_ Sirius was looking at her with a determination she knew all too well. Stubbornness ran in the family, she supposed, and though she had always liked it in him this was different. This time his stubborn ways unnerved her to no end. _

_ He was serious about this, and she couldn’t let him be.  _

_ Narcissa shook her head, slowly. “You can’t mean this. Where- what- where would you go? What could you get out there you can’t get here?” _

_ She knew he was going to say ‘freedom’ before he said it because he’d talked about it so often that his rants about that world outside their own had grown to be nearly tedious to listen to.  _

_ Sirius huffed in frustration and she recognised that too. He was dead set on leaving, and because she wasn’t planning on changing her mind about staying they were bound to argue over it.  _

_ Their arguments had always been as explosive as those between their parents had been. They’d always simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated her. Narcissa wasn’t looking forward to another one. _

_ She hadn’t known it’d be their last argument when it began.  _

_ “If you stay here, they’ll kill you. One way or another, they’ll be the death of you even if you stay alive. I’m not going to let our family do that to me, or you. Come with me!” _

oOo

“It’s my fault,” Narcissa whispered now, her voice muffled through Rodolphus’ robes but it seemed he’d caught her words either way. “It’s my fault he died.”

He doesn’t argue with her immediately and somehow that makes it hurt more. 

There’s so much else going on, and Narcissa can’t even begin to imagine just how her and Draco’s life will change and be in further danger after tonight, but that’s something she will prepare for first thing in the morning.

Tomorrow morning she will forget all about Sirius, she will forget that she played a part in his death and she will forget how hurt she was tonight. Tomorrow morning she will begin to spend the rest of the war keeping her precious son safe, even more and even better than she has been up to now. He’ll need her.

Tonight though, she lets herself be enveloped by Rodolphus’ arms while he shakes his head and holds her in a familiar and comfortable way. Tonight she closes tear-filled eyes and thinks only of Sirius Black and how much he’s meant to her and how badly she’s hurt him.

“It’s not,” Rodolphus tells her, and if it didn’t hurt so much she would’ve laughed. “It’s not,” he repeats. “You know him better than I do, Cissa, better than anyone alive. He died because he rushed into battle to keep his godson safe, and for no other reason than that. If it hadn’t been tonight, Harry Potter would’ve gotten himself into trouble next month and the same thing would have happened, you know that.  _ You’re just like that _ , for Draco.”

It’s only a small comfort, really, but tomorrow is for forgetting and moving on. Tonight she just has to survive her grief, and somehow the idea that Sirius’ demise was inevitable is exactly what helps her do just that.

  
  



End file.
